Time to shed a layer of onion…
The endless road trips, boat trips, train and plane rides we have taken in the last 7 weeks has really proven the effectiveness of “taking a drive” to clear ones head. I never really understood this as an effective means to think and reevalutate situations, but I now really understand what it’s like to be alone with your thoughts and feelings with little more to do than simply think and feel.
Often times while making these long trips I put my iPod on and do just that: think and feel. And I believe I have grown from all the self reflection.
It’s funny because I realized that for a long time when I looked back on my life I very rarely emphasized and revelled in the happy times that happened over the course of my life, but rather I focused and dwelled on the things I failed at, or the things that hurt most – most of which occurred in the not so distant past. And it was this negativity that created a jaded and almost unpleasant outlook for the future. But with all of the time I have had to think and feel those memories again, I have realized that my life has consisted of far more important and meaningful times than I have given credit for. I feel like I am driving Maria crazy as more often than not I find myself ranting on and on about happy childhood memories I have and most times I end the rant (or rather reflection) with a sympathetic “oooh. Awww.” hahaha. Being away from friends and family has certainly made me appreciate where I come from. And it is also by being away from those whom I love and trust most, that my trust has been restored in others. I have realized that in comparison to a lot of the people I have met, that I come from a good place and I am very fortunate to have a family who loves me and gave me sound morals and values to live my life by. And even more so, have given me the capacity to embark on this adventure and be successful in it. Being away from them has truly made me appreciate and respect them for all they have given me and provided me with.
I can confidently say that I feel like the parts of me I felt I lost, are back in full force. And I can hold my head high and smile and feel pure happiness and love…feelings I was afraid to endure for a long time. I said to Maria today – “I love smiling.” As simple as it may sound, it took me a long time to smile out of pure bliss. And laugh out of pure love from the heart. And live with each breath. And now I do it each and every day – Live. Laugh. Love.